The One About Behaving Badly

I’d like to go on record to say I’m surprised how many people were surprised I would use sushi for fun and biological warfare. Now I can understand my coworkers’ newfound anxiety last month, but it was the other emails where I was counseled about properly verbalizing to my boss how I didn’t appreciate his sweaty, meaty hands all over me that gave me pause. Properly verbalize? Are you kidding me? Verbalizing is not a problem I have. In fact, it’s probably a genetic flaw. I understand that I am just over five feet, but I feel as big as anyone and I run my mouth accordingly. I’ve only backed down once. I was hit by a car in Spain and, as I slid across the hood, I loudly mentioned the dude’s mother and another rude verb…or two. He came out of that sedan like someone launched...