You know you’re annoying when even your yoga instructor freaks out on you. Actually, “freak” might be the wrong word. Smack is more accurate. We were supposed to be meditating after practice and I was vibrating. This happens pretty regularly—the vibrating not the smacking…although, now that I think about it, that is kind of surprising.
Anyway, I was sitting next to Layla and rocking out to the voices in my head when she leaned over and pinned my knee to the floor.
“Quiet your mind,” she hissed.
I smiled like Good Idea, Lady!! But a Quiet Mind’s never going happen for me so I counted...
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I’d like to go on record to say I’m surprised how many people were surprised I would use sushi for fun and biological warfare. Now I can understand my coworkers’ newfound anxiety last month, but it was the other emails where I was counseled about properly verbalizing to my boss how I didn’t appreciate his sweaty, meaty hands all over me that gave me pause.
Properly verbalize? Are you kidding me?
Verbalizing is not a problem I have. In fact, it’s probably a genetic flaw. I understand that I am just over five feet, but I feel as big as anyone and I run my mouth accordingly. I’ve only...
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So my long-suffering agent asked for a bio. This is probably to be expected and any normal person would just dash off a few lines about this and that and be done with it.
But when have I ever been normal?
What should have taken two minutes ended up taking two hours. Part of it is because I’m off my meds and flying so high you could smack my ass like a piñata. The rest is just general neuroses.
I had no idea what to write so I did what I always do when I’m feeling especially ignorant (read: all the time): I Googled it. And Google had lots of answers. I’m just not sure any of it was useful…much...
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Poor Boy Genius. I dragged home another dog. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my pet situation, BG has barely survived it. There’s Turbo who disdains him, Tempi who regards him with naked suspicion, and, until recently, there was Jessica who treated him like a minion.
Although, to be honest, my grouchy mare treated everyone like minions. We considered it part of her charm.
Anyway, accusations were made when I showed up with Tag and, in BG’s defense, he’s right. I did agree we didn’t need any more animals. But, in my defense, he should have known I was lying when I said...
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I just love the holidays. There’s all the food and family and garlands you can hang yourself with. I was told recently that my deeply embedded hatred for Christmas music stems from not having grown up with proper holiday traditions. To that end, I say:
Did so grow up with proper holiday traditions
And Rudolph still sucks
Anyway, I know several families that go out shopping together on Black Friday, which is supposed to be one of their traditions. My family would rather dig our eyes out with spoons. Black Friday is not us, but we do have Estate Sales. For those of you unfamiliar with...
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